Today I feel unsettled and sad. This year marks 5 years that my Mother has been gone and with Mothers day right around the corner it’s always a tough time of year for me. After she passed away, I used to wonder if I would ever dream about her. Years went by and I never did. Until one night she was there…
She was young, probably late 20’s, early 30’s and she was standing in our kitchen in our old house in Barrhead. She couldn’t hear me and it was as if I was looking in on her from heaven. I remember her looking so beautiful and peaceful and then she was gone.
I awoke very pleased that I had seen her and I tried desperately to go back to sleep and continue my dream but couldn’t.
Last night was my second dream…
We were in her house in Stony Plain. I was standing in the kitchen and I knew that she was about to have a heart attack. We were chatting and all of a sudden she grabbed her chest and started to panic. I grabbed the phone and called 9-1-1. The lady on the other end was asking me all these questions and was making humorous small talk with me and then for some reason asked me what my postal code was. For the life of me I couldn’t remember and so I looked at mom and she just stopped panicking and very calmly told me what it was, then proceeded to panic and grab her chest. The lady on the phone told me to tell my mom to lie down and put her legs up and that help would be there shortly. So I told my mom to lie down and put her legs up, I hung up the phone and we continued our conversation as if nothing had happened at all… I kept telling her to keep her legs up, I could hear the sirens in the background before I woke up…
This dream has brought up a lot of emotions in me today as I sit here writing this. Dreams are a hard thing to put into writing because I remember us laughing as I was talking to the 9-1-1 lady and the events in my dream being quite light and funny when in reality, my mother did pass away of a heart attack. I guess maybe that means that even in her last dying minutes she was still the fun and outgoing Louise that everyone knew and loved.
Although, I can’t help but wonder if I would have been home that day, would she still be here today? Would I have been able to call for help? If it was inevitable would I have at least had the chance to say good-bye? These are questions that will never be answered and that I have come to peace with.
It’s comforting that she is always with me as my guardian angel and that every now and again I will see her in my dreams. She will be forever young and beautiful in my mind and always in my heart.
Not one single day goes by without a thought or memory of her.
Love you Mom,